The Bully Has Many Faces

There are two main kinds of bullies:

1. The Extrovert Bully (Outward)
"Extrovert" bullies are outgoing, aggressive, active and expressive. They want to be on top—in control. They are more interested in things outside themselves than in their own thoughts and feelings. Extrovert bullies are rebels and are usually criticized for their rebelliousness. They often end up in trouble as adults. They are sometimes considered "outlaws."

Generally rough-and-tough, angry, and mean on the surface, they get their way by brute force. But inside, they may feel inferior, insecure and unsure of themselves. They reject rules and regulations and feel a need to rebel in order to achieve a feeling of superiority and security.

2. The Introvert Bully (Inward)
"Introvert" bullies don't want to be recognized. They hide as much as possible. They never rebel; they conform to society. But they also want to be in control. They find other ways to get control sometimes by smooth-talking, saying the "right" thing at the "right" time, sometimes by misleading, lying, saying and doing whatever they think the other person wants to hear, just to get their way. They deceive people into thinking they mean well. They work on becoming "teacher's pet." They are often so good at bullying, that we don't even notice that they are bullying us.

Introvert bullies get their power through cunning and deception. They seem to go along with the crowd, but because they desperately want to be successful—get the highest, the best, the most they will lie, cheat, do anything to get what they want.

There are many types of bullies. See if you recognize any of the following. Can you tell if these are introvert bullies or extrovert bullies?

1. The Super Jock Bully
Motto: "I am Number One—yeah, ME!"

2. The Preppy Bully
Motto: "I am the elite of society—the upper crust."

3. The Movie Star Bully
Motto: "Mirror, mirror on the wall, I'm the fairest of them all."

4. The Brain Bully
Motto: "I'm smart. Therefore I know better than you!"

5. The Rocker Bully
Motto: "Trash it, jam it, freak out! Do your own thing! Who cares how it affects anyone else?"

6. The Hippie Bully
Motto: "Tune in, turn on, drop out. You're a fool to stay straight!"

7. The Patriotic Bully
Motto: "Our country, right or wrong. Love it or leave it."

8. The Religious Bully
Motto: "There is only one belief worth believing—mine."

9. The Financial Whiz Bully
Motto: "When I speak, Wall Street listens. So you better listen too."

10. The Prejudiced Bully
Motto: "You are inferior because you are (fill in religion, race, nationality, color of skin)."

11. The Whining Kid Bully
Motto: (To Parent) "If you don't buy me this, I'll (fill in your own threat)."

From Chapter 4: How Can We Stop Bullying?

The school of "no sword," a story
There is a story of a famous swordsman, from the school of "no sword" (which means to defeat an enemy without a sword or weapon of any kind). His name was Bokuden and he lived many years ago in Japan.

Bokuden was crossing a lake in a rowboat with a group of people. In the boat with them was a tough looking and arrogant Samurai (a type of warrior/soldier) who boasted about how good he was with a sword.

"I am the greatest swordsman," claimed this strong warrior. "Nobody can beat me." The passengers eagerly listened to this braggart's endless stories about winning many fights. But Bokuden took no notice and was dozing as if nothing were going on about him. This made the Samurai very angry. He came up to Bokuden and shook him saying, "Hey, aren't you listening? Come on! You also carry a pair of swords. Why aren't you joining in on the conversation?"

Bokuden responded quietly, "My way is different from yours; it consists not in defeating others, but in not being defeated." This just made the warrior angrier.

"What is your school then?" asked the warrior.
"Mine is known as the school of 'no sword'," Bokuden responded calmly.
"Why then do you carry a sword?" cried the Samurai.
"To protect myself from wild animals, not to hurt people."

The braggart became very frustrated, and he shouted, "Do you really mean that you can fight with no sword? Can you fight me with no sword?"

"Why not?" answered Bokuden calmly. The warrior called out to the boatman to row to the nearest island. Bokuden suggested that it would be better to go to the island farthest away because the nearer island had people who might be attracted to the fight and might get hurt. The Samurai agreed. The boat headed for the island farther away.

As soon as they came near enough, the Samurai jumped off the boat and drew his sword ready for combat. Bokuden slowly took off his swords and handed them to the boatman. He was about to leave the boat to follow the Samurai onto the island when Bokuden suddenly took the long oar from the boatman and, pushing it against the land, gave a hard backstroke to the boat. The boat moved away from the island and out to the sea, leaving the enraged Samurai standing on the shore in combat position.

When the boat was safely away from the island so the warrior couldn't follow, Bokuden said, smiling, "This is my school of 'no sword'."

In this book I want to show you the way to put an end to bullying. For those of you who have been bullied, you will be happy to know that you don't have to be a victim. For those of you who bully others, you may be happy to know that you no longer need to bully people to get what you need in this life. I know this will be a challenge for you. Are you ready?