Foreword xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction 1

PART ONE: The Home We Leave 7

1. How It All Began 9
The Power of Mindfulness 13
A Positive Spin on How It Was and Is 18
The Five A's: The Keys that Open Us 26
Unconditional Presence versus the Five Mindsets of Ego 40
Practices: Our Skillful Means 42

2. Love and Less 52
Mirroring Love 52
When We Deny We Were Deprived 56
What Hurts Us Comforts Us 58
How Good for Me Was My Family? 61
Light on the Hurt 64
A Heroic Journey 69
Practices 70

PART TWO: Struggles Along the Way 79

3. Choosing a Partner 81
Am I Cut Out for Relationship? 82
Qualified Candidates 85
What Are We Up To? 86
Full Disclosure 89
Sexualizing Our Needs 93
Such Longings 97
Destiny Plays a Part 99
Practices 101

4. Romance: The First Phase of Relationship 106
Rising in Love 108
When Romance Is Addictive 112
What Love Feels Like 116
Practices 118

5. Conflicts 126
Working Things Out 128
The Past in the Present 133
Men and Women 136
Introvert or Extrovert? 138
Practices 141

6. Fears Rush In—and Dangers, Too 153
Engulfment and Abandonment 153
Learning from Our Fears 155
Jealousy 156
Infidelity 158
Dealing with Disappointment 161
Practices 165

7. Letting Go of Ego 174
Anatomy of the Arrogant Ego 177
Anatomy of the Impoverished Ego 181
The Riches of Ego and How to Find Them 183
A Yes to the Things We Cannot Change 184
Practices 187

8. When Relationships End 199
Ending with Grace and Moving On 201
When Somebody Leaves You 208

PART THREE: Returning the Blessing 215

9. Our Commitment and How It Deepens 217
The Virtues of Intimate Love 220
Commitment 226
Soul Mates 228
Practices 231

Epilogue 243
Appendix: The Steps and Shifts of Mindful Grief 246