Love with a Healthy Ego
Find Balance, Release Resentment, and Love Generously
Try as we might, we very often find our own or others’ ego getting in the way of finding satisfying and loving relationships. Sometimes ego is too big, keeping others at a distance and alienating them with its sense of entitlement and need to control. Sometimes ego is too weak, living in reaction to others’ attitudes and behaviors rather than in accord with one’s own deepest needs, values, and wishes. Like Goldilocks, we can find ourselves searching for “just right”—the healthy ego that allows for and offers generous love to others and the world.
In this online course, best-selling author David Richo guides you on the path of generous love and shows how to build a healthy ego that is “just right,” supporting you in being fully yourself, interacting with others in loving and effective ways, and contributing to the world around you. Giving and receiving generous love is the heart of our true nature, always within reach and always inviting us to move toward it.
Six video talks by David Richo—each about 20 minutes in length—with transcripts and audio versions available
Homework assignments and reflection questions to help you integrate the teachings into your daily life
Guided reading assignments with downloadable PDFs from the book You Are Not What You Think by David Richo
Unlimited access on your computer, mobile device, or tablet—learn at your own pace wherever and whenever works best for you
Your purchase of Love with a Healthy Ego includes this bonus material:
Making Love Last
How to Sustain Intimacy and Nurture Genuine Connection
with David Richo
3 hours of audio, normally $14.95
This course will help you:
- Assert yourself in healthy ways
- Establish good boundaries in relationships
- Redirect ego-driven habits into more collaborative responses
- Shift from resentment to forgiveness of those who have hurt you
- Kindly attend to feelings of sadness, anger, and fear
- Derive strength from your enduring resources, both internal and external
Ego and Relationships
Ego is the culprit in just about every disruption or destruction of intimacy in relationships. Letting go of ego-centeredness is the solution—the path to successful relating. In fact, letting go of ego is the first step toward finding out how to love. Nothing less is required, if love is to happen, than the utter undoing of egotism. In this lesson, we’ll begin our exploration of ego and egotism with cultivating a better understanding of the ego itself.
Almost everyone has met someone who displays a too-big ego. And most of us have had at least moments of displaying such an ego ourselves. But fewer people understand where this kind of inflated ego comes from. In this lesson, we’ll examine the characteristics of a too-big ego and explore the role that fear plays in supporting an inflated ego.
The criteria for a spiritually and psychologically healthy relationship can be determined by asking this question: does it honor who I am, match my life goals, and lead me to more connection with others and with the earth? This is, after all, how we thrive as individuals and survive as a species. Each of us can ask ourselves: what in our life has helped us toward establishing our full self and staying connected to others too? What has weakened our connection to our truest self? In this lesson, we'll explore these questions, and more, as we learn how to resolve the unfinished emotional business of our past and strengthen our resilience in the present.
We can distinguish between a healthy ego and egotism: The healthy ego sees how people operate and responds in a way that speaks up for itself but then accepts how things play out. The unhealthy, grandiose ego becomes affronted and has to compete, prove its superiority, jockey for position, or retaliate to reset any imbalance it cannot tolerate. In this lesson, we'll look at the full spectrum of ego and how it manifests in intimate relationships. We'll also discover ways of calling on the support of our own healthy ego to make decisions.
Grace and Bodhicitta
Can we let go of our preoccupation with ourselves as central and sole? For this to happen in any of us, we have to sacrifice ego supremacy, abdicate the throne on high, and be who we wholly are: beings who are inherently worthy and capable of lovingkindness. In this lesson, we’ll explore how real freedom is in commitment to the bigness that beckons us beyond what ego can achieve or even imagine.
Practices for Letting Go of Ego
How do we advance on the ego’s stronghold of self-centeredness, self-importance, and entitlement? To tame an animal is not to subdue or break his spirit. It is to work with his energy so that his power can be displayed in appropriate and cooperative ways. In this lesson, we’ll discuss how to defuse our ego-energy so it can be transformed into self-esteem and compassion—the true purpose of having an ego.
“How we relate to our ego—the sense of ‘I’—determines our suffering and our freedom. David Richo does a brilliant job unpacking the unhealthy versions of ego that confine us. Through psychological and Buddhist wisdom teachings and a range of powerful practices and meditations, we are guided beyond the identity of separate self to the loving awareness that is our deepest essence.” —Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge
“A wealth of practical advice on how to unhook and disentangle yourself from the myriad unhelpful thoughts, beliefs, self-judgments, and self-concepts that we often refer to as ‘ego.’ If you want a healthier, happier, more compassionate relationship with yourself, this is for you.” —Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living
“David Richo uses concepts from neuroscience, psychology, and Buddhism to show us how to make a friend of our ego, that oddly obstreperous, often tyrannical—but ultimately useful—chimera.” —Norman Fischer, author of Experience: Thinking, Writing, Language, and Religion and What Is Zen? Plain Talk for a Beginner’s Mind
David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a teacher, workshop leader, and psychotherapist in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. He combines Jungian, transpersonal, and mythic perspectives in his work. He is the author of many books, including You Are Not What You Think: The Egoless Path to Self-Esteem and Generous Love and How to Be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving.
If for any reason you are not completely satisfied with your purchase, please e-mail us within 30 days of registering for the course, and we will promptly refund your purchase price.